“It is what it is.”

I often trotted out this line in my own therapy. With a wry shrug meant to say, “I’m a tough cookie, I’ll cope”, but that didn’t quite hide the hopelessness.

One session, mid “nothing will ever change” spiral, my therapist said:
“It is what it is… until it isn’t.”

Excuse me? What does that even mean?

I wanted to roll my eyes. It sounded like something printed on a T-shirt against a sunset background. But it stuck — like a song lyric you didn’t ask for.

Back then, everything felt immovable. Emotional cement. The idea that things might one day shift felt both laughable and mildly offensive — “you just don’t get it.”

And yet, that phrase cracked open the tiniest door to possibility.

Because what she was really saying was: yeah, this might feel unmovable now. But nothing is actually permanent — not feelings, not situations, not even the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

I hear those same words now, from my own clients:
“I’ve always been this way.”
“I don’t think I can change.”
“It’s just how things are.”
“It’s never going to get better.”

And I get it. When you’re deep in it, change feels like a ridiculous suggestion. A luxury for other people.

But change doesn’t always kick the door down. Sometimes it sneaks in.
One day, you react 5% less.
You say no to something small.
You hear your inner critic and don’t spiral.

That’s the “until it isn’t” bit.
It’s not overnight. But it’s movement. Take the win.

One of the strange privileges of being a therapist is holding hope — even (especially) when someone else has none. Not “good vibes only” hope. But grounded, earned, “I’ve seen this before” hope.

Because people shift. Circumstances shift. We aren’t as stuck as we think.

It is what it is, until it isn’t.

If you’re in a “this will never get better” phase — I see you.

You don’t need to feel hopeful. You just have to show up.

I’ll hold the “until it isn’t” part for you.